Closed captions for analog television were in widespread use from the early 1980s until being supplanted by the digital signal transition in the 2010s. However, these data are not routinely captured when transferring or archiving recordings of the time. The service that provided accessible information to millions of viewers should be preserved alongside the video and audio that is routinely digitized. Submitted for your approval: a system to extract and preserve these encoded messages using readily available components. Delve into the secrets of the analog signal, harness the power of newly-obsolete hardware, and marvel at what is possible with a little ingenuity.